Hope

So……………. IM Wisconsin. I had been struggling in August with some leg pain. I didn’t know what it was. I thought it was an issue with my IT Band but it wasn’t. It turned out to be a back issue. There was a part of me that already knew this to be true. I had undergone back surgery about ten years ago and the symptoms were all too familiar. Needless to say, I did not make it to Wisconsin. Instead, I spent a long weekend in Vegas submerging my sorrows in vodka and the European pool at the Wynn.

It has taken about 6 months to accept the reality of the situation. It won’t go away on its own. Voodoo (even though I tried) won’t work. No stretching will fix it and no words will mitigate the impact. Surgery is my only option and I accept this fate for the second time.

Two days ago, I went to meet with the surgeon, Dr. Schwartz. I never expected to meet a doctor like him. I had been told that I would never run again. I had tried to swim but cannot properly rotate. The bike seemed totally ridiculous. Dr. Schwartz understood. He knew that I couldn’t be whole again without recapturing what I thought I was before this happened. He said you won’t be happy until you are able to run again. Dr. Schwartz said to expect a full recover. For the first time in forever, I cried.

I don’t think I even knew how important it was to me. Over the last 20 plus years, I have held a series of professional jobs (sometimes) that I have held an increasing level of apathy. The more my career has disappointed me, the more I have embraced the definition of myself created outside my 40 hour week. That definition has included father, husband, and triathlete.

I accept the fact that I am mediocre at all three. I cannot accept that I would have a leg of the tripod removed. Dr. Schwartz has given me hope and for now, that’s good enough.

I had thought that this blog would be about my road to Wisconsin. In many ways, I wish it had. However, I am even more excited about the road ahead. The challenge will be fresh and even more intense. I don’t know if I will make it back to Ironman. It could happen and if God will allow it, I will do my best to make it happen. If not, I will do the best I can with the body I have. To be continued…………